top of page

Remember, everyone's journey is different and unique in its own way!!

Coming out is a process of valuing, understanding, accepting your sexual orientation/identity. There's no right way, right time or right way to say it. Everyone has different experiences and ways to express themselves. If you don't want to or feel like doing so could cause harm to you, it's completely OK not to do so.

You are well within your rights to ask whoever you tell to keep it private. If you are still closeted to some people, tell your loved ones not to disclose until you are comfortable. Remember you will always find a community of people around you who's celebrating, supporting and inspiring you for who you are.

Coming out is also only a part of your LGBTQ+ journey, and while it may be an important one for many people, it doesn’t define who you are, or the ways in which you love and accept yourself.

If you are ready to come out, know that there is no right or wrong time to do it. You also don’t need to find a specific reason – if you want to come out, that’s reason enough!

Few things to check/remind yourself before coming out: 

  • Choose people whom you trust the most and are supportive with your decision.

  • Don't judge or question yourself by people's reaction. Some people might take time to adjust to what they hear.

  • Don't give up hope if you don't get the reaction you expected. Remember everyone has the right to be who they are and are to be about all important aspects of your identity including their sexual orientation.

  • Find trusted allies/people/friends/family who can help, support, motivate you all the time.

  • Get help if you feel like and make use of resources available to you.


National Coming Out Day

Helplines, community groups and agencies

If you decide you want to come out, but you’re unsure how others might react, you could consider contacting a support group first. There are helplines, community groups and agencies across the country who are there to support you, listing a few with their contact numbers and/or websites:

  • Humsafar Trust :

Coming out for different identities
Coming out as Bi

It refers to a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex/gender. It "also refers to a person's sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviors, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions."

The bi community includes those who call themselves pansexual, queer, fluid, omnisexual, non-monosexual, in the middle sexualities, heteroflexible, homoflexible, polysexual and a variety of other labels that indicate attraction to more than one gender. In too many cases, people who express some degree of bisexuality are pressured, from both non-LGBTQ and gay and lesbian communities alike, to “choose” or “pick a side,” meaning to identify as gay, lesbian or straight. So the first step toward coming out as bisexual is often the self-realization that we cannot “choose” or “pick a side” any more than straight, gay or lesbian people can choose whom they love or find themselves attracted to. When we do come out as bisexual, we often face stereotypes about our sexual behavior, that we’re promiscuous, incapable of fidelity or have unsafe sexual practices, behaviors that, in reality, occur among people of all orientations and identities, and to which bisexual people are not unusually prone. 

People might say that being bi is a ‘phase’ or that you’re ‘really’ lesbian or gay but haven't accepted it.This can lead to the feeling that your identity isn't as 'valid' as others – but of course, this isn’t true. Your bi sexuality is just as real if you’ve only had sexual or romantic relations with people of one gender, or if the majority of your attraction is to one gender.Even if you do later identify as lesbian or gay, this is a decision for you to make when the time is right for you. No one else gets to determine what your sexual orientation is, at any point in your life.

Coming out as Trans

It refers to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

Coming out as transgender may mean that you tell people about your preferred pronouns (if you wish to be referred to as he/him, she/her, they/them, etc.). It may also mean that you ask people to call you by a new name and to think of you by the gender identity that you’re comfortable with.


Coming out as trans is a very personal decision and different for anyone. Some people choose to come out before they medically or socially transition, and some choose to come out after or during the process. You may choose to come out to different people at different times, or to not come out to some people at all. All of this is okay — only you can decide what’s right for you.

Although both involve telling friends and family about your identity, there are differences between coming out as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and coming out as transgender. A lot of people know what it means for a person to be gay, but there’s still a lot of confusion and misinformation out there about what it means to be trans.

And sometimes coming out or being outed as transgender can mean your identity is misunderstood, disrespected, or disbelieved.

If you choose to come out as transgender, make sure it's to people you trust and that you have a support system in place. This can include friends, family, or a support group.  It's important to feel as confident as possible that coming out won't jeopardize your safety, health, or living situation.

It’s OK not to answer every question you’re asked about your transition and what it might involve. But you might want to think about which questions you’re happy to answer (this may vary depending on who you’re talking to) and how much detail you want to go into.

Coming out as Ace

Asexuality is completely normal! It’s a healthy sexual orientation just like being gay or being straight, and you can still have normal relationships.


It can be confusing, trying to figure out if you’re asexual, especially since sex is so prevalent in our culture. It may be difficult or take time, and that’s ok! Some people know from a young age that they aren’t, and some don’t figure it out until later. Both are normal.


If you think you might be asexual, try asking yourself these questions: Have you ever been sexually attracted to another person? Do you want to have sex or engage in sexual practices? If you want to date or get married at some point, do you want sex to be a part of that relationship? If you’ve had sex or engaged in sexual practices before, was it something you liked? Would you want to do it again? How were your feelings about the experience different or similar to your friends or partners’ experiences? It’s okay if you don’t have answers for these questions yet, or if your feelings are still unclear.


Discovering your sexuality/sexual orientation can take time, and sometimes what you call yourself or how you identify might change. It’s normal for sexuality to change and develop. Only you will know how to label yourself correctly.

Everyone has the basic human right to be who they are. No one but you has the right to determine your sexual orientation or how you live. But sometimes, especially for young people, laws, school policies, and authorities don’t reflect our basic rights. It’s a good idea to look up laws and policies in your state and school.

Some tips for coming out to
  • Ignore external pressures and stereotypes as much as you can. Your identity is yours alone to understand, define and share with others. No one gets to tell you how you should identify.

  • It’s OK if you’ve come out before as another identity, if you’ve only been in relationships with people of one gender or if you’ve never been in a sexual or romantic relationship at all.

  • Bisexual people can come out at any stage of life –– whether you’re single, married, parents, teens or seniors.

  • It’s totally normal to feel scared, confused or uncertain. It’s also totally normal to feel relieved, empowered and proud. 

How to support if someone comes out to you?
  • You don’t have to understand what it means for someone to be non-binary to respect them. Some people haven’t heard a lot about non-binary genders or have trouble understanding them, and that’s okay. But identities that some people don’t understand still deserve respect.

  • Use the name a person asks you to use. This is one of the most critical aspects of being respectful of a non-binary person, as the name you may have been using may not reflect their gender identity. Don’t ask someone what their old name was.

  • Try not to make any assumptions about people’s gender. You can’t tell if someone is non-binary simply by looking at them, just like how you can’t tell if someone is transgender just by how they look.

  • If you’re not sure what pronouns someone uses, ask. Different non-binary people may use different pronouns. Many non-binary people use “they” while others use “he” or “she,” and still others use other pronouns. Asking whether someone should be referred to as “he,” “she,” “they,” or another pronoun may feel awkward at first, but is one of the simplest and most important ways to show respect for someone’s identity.

  • Advocate for non-binary friendly policies. It’s important for non-binary people to be able to live, dress and have their gender respected at work, at school and in public spaces.

  • Understand that, for many non-binary people, figuring out which bathroom to use can be challenging. For many non-binary people, using either the women’s or the men’s room might feel unsafe, because others may verbally harass them or even physically attack them. Non-binary people should be supported by being able to use the restroom that they believe they will be safest in.

  • Talk to non-binary people to learn more about who they are. There’s no one way to be non-binary. The best way to understand what it’s like to be non-binary is to talk with non-binary people and listen to their stories

Coming out as Bi
Helplines and Agencies
Coming out as different identities
Coming out as trans
Coming out as ace
How to support
Coming out to yourself
bottom of page